monday 13 september
Oh hello M O N D A Y!
We are coming into contact with others today to try out our new view of how we see our wounds through the eyes of what we feel we are being delivered. At some point you all will drop the defensive acts around needing others to be all these bigger things so that you don’t feel ruffled. But to need them to be a certain way makes you touchy around your wounds and ready to blow knowing someone is about to cross your boundaries or disrespect the ways you feel you should be treated.
The healing journey is not one that can be read about. It won't complete and shift your energy until you actually walk these situations and face things from new views around the bend. Climbing the mountain, you may want to start fast with ideas to just get there. And as you continue with it, you learn a new patient trust that keeps growing as you get higher and see different perspectives of where you just came from and where you still desire to be.
We would never make the same choices when we are in our 20s or 30s, when we sit in our 40s and 50s. The view is so different, and it's because we grow ACTUAL confidence on the inside. And it changes how we process what doesn’t fit or doesn’t feel like a great way to be. When we are young, we swipe quickly at the idea of disrespect from others. When we are older, we don’t even notice it or take offence because we know that they are showing us who they REALLY are inside, and we are showing them who we REALLY are inside. Where we collapse into victim states that want to HATE because we don’t want to be here anymore, we are still in our healing process. And it means we need to not hold too tightly to how mean or sharp we want to be – we must steer ourselves to better paths in how we make our understandings known, so that we don’t keep pushing away and having to remanifest new people and things that test us to step into the shoes of our best selves. It is so easy to go lower and it's time to be sovereign upon ourselves and steer our magnificent ships with more integrity on the inside.
What I can tell you is that I am 50 now, and yes aging beautifully because I had set that course when I was younger, but my life is SO GOOD that now I am EVER present in this moment and pretty much constantly vibrating gratitude for what is around me. 2020 was my very best year because it got me to Taos and got me finding my true home – that CONSISTENTLY is grounding me in a safe feeling. It was not just my home and the best thing ever for the first few months -- like the honeymoon stage – it's been that way every day, and for now over a year.
And what I can tell you is that my body, mind and heart all feel different here. It's so dream come true that I chase each hour in the day to give it the most I can give it. Like, I may go hiking in the mountains twice a day, and at least once. But I’m constantly going and doing and experiencing the moment because it feels so good and I don’t want to escape like I used to in my last decades. There is nothing now in my mind that dwells on negative outcomes or clashes with anybody challenging me in any way. There is only harmony here and even all my neighbors are like family and we all stop to chat and share kindness. Everyone loves me. Everyone loves my dog. It's all just so easy.
But. It wasn’t until I got here. And it wasn’t until I got older and really cooked all the way through so that I can actually embody the healing journey. We will never get there when we stay in our mind and try to heal through insta-therapy and books that are only keeping us intellectualizing it all – THUS making it so much harder to actually heal in the ways we are to organically. If you are locked in the interpretations of things, then you can't heal in reality.
From being in ACTUAL therapy, I can tell you that she NEVER focused on saying things like, well that person is a narcissist, and those kinds of people do these things. NEVER was it on the other like it is in insta-therapy – where they just want to pacify you and crucify the other. But it gets great likes! Unfortunately, it delays your actual healing. We don’t do it through interpretations. We heal in lightning bolt ways where we suddenly go AH-HA and then WE change on the inside -- and then the outside changes around us.
So love, allow yourself to age and get better. You are NOT at your prime in your 20s and 30s like the old world wants you to try to be. It’s 40s to 70s that you want to work for. So, pace yourself and climb wisely. The answers come when you walk an actual journey and not just read about it. Don’t read too much so that the walk doesn’t surprise you like it is SUPPOSED to do. Let go of filling your mind thinking this is good enough.